Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Deciphering the Code: Learning to Speak Green

It's not easy being green.  Global environmentalism and the sustainable movement have their own language where ordinary words and phrases take on extraordinary meanings and significance.  To help, I have deciphered some of the most common terms for you here in this post.  So treat yourself to you a new experience this summer and impress all your friends by learning a new language--Greenspeak.

The following is a list of Greenspeak terms along with their definitions:

Green Economy: Green Economy is achieved when the government succeeds in extracting all of the green from your wallet, bank accounts, and retirement accounts and gives it to their friends to sponsor bogus alternative energy projects. (Example: Solyndra)

Carbon Footprints: The black marks your feet will make when you walk barefoot after the government has banned all animal products and oil-based synthetics such as plastics, etc, from being manufactured into shoes. (The only practical way to effectively reduce the size of these is to cut off your toes.)

Global Warming:  That eerily predictable period when the earth rapidly heats to uncomfortable temperatures, normally between the months of June and August in the northern hemisphere.  Episodes of global warming have also been documented after any speech given by any left-leaning politician due to the vast increases in levels of hot air present at such events.  It should be noted that these latter episodes can occur at any time without warning.

Climate Change:  A fearful occurrence which takes place about four times a year as the earth becomes increasingly colder, resulting in icy precipitation and the death of plants, which gives way to a warming cycle where the plants do re-emerge as we go into that uncomfortable "global warming" cycle noted in the previous definition.  After August we go back into the cooling cycle.  The goal of climate change legislation is to stop these scary and inconvenient processes and fix the temperature at 72 degrees Fahrenheit worldwide with a sort of government-legislated climatic thermostat.

Green World Order:   A new system of global governance in which a handful of pre-selected, lucky individuals get all of the property and all of the greenbacks while the rest of us survive in a state of perpetual serfdom as we perform whatever tasks are assigned to us by our new rulers and subsist on whatever they allow us to have.

Wealth Redistribution:  A new worldwide economic system in which all but the previously mentioned lucky, pre-selected individuals are reduced to abject poverty with no hope for the future.  As we suffer through our miserable new slavery, however, we can take comfort knowing that we are enriching the environment, as well as our new masters.

Fairness:  A new world system in which everyone is the same.  Everyone in the world has the same third world standard of living, the same substandard housing, the same lack of opportunity, the same inadequate, unappetizing food and the same lack of opportunity.  For anyone, except for the previously mentioned pre-selected few, to have more than anyone else is inherently unfair, and this unfairness must be corrected through a new economic system.  The thinking here is that since we can't make everyone rich, we must make everyone poor.

Sustainable/Sustainabililty:  The primary engine for accomplishing the aforementioned strategy to impoverish all people equally.  Any economic or social system that works, produces wealth or comfort, or benefits more than just the preselected few is dubbed "unsustainable" and destroyed in order to achieve "fairness."

Smart Growth/Smart Code:  Dumb is the new "Smart."  Tiny, expensive, uncomfortable housing that you can access only through public transportation will leave your pockets and your life empty.  (Hey, as NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg says, 47% of Manhattanites are single anyway so why do they need to occupy more than 250 square feet for an apartment?  His tiny, micro apartments are soon to be a model for us all--just don't make any plans to upgrade your relationship status.  But what does this mean to couples who are already married, or--horrors--have children?  We can only guess.)

Green Spaces:  Those tiny islands in your parking lot that contain a small clump of grass and/or a spindly tree. They make parking less efficient and more dangerous but do nothing to make the world a greener, better place.  Alternately, "green spaces" can also be used as a 21st century term for a public park--renamed to encompass the new reality that any "green space" is actually commonly held ground to make up for the fact that you have been relegated to a 250 foot hellhole of an apartment.

Universal:  Universal means that a certain item or service will be available to all equally, which in practice means that it will be available to no one except for the pre-selected few.  Examples include "universal" health care which is pricing all Americans out of their health insurance and destroying access to medical care for average people. Another such project is the U.N. zero hunger challenge which promises to end all hunger everywhere through a system of food rationing which will starve most of us to death--but that starvation will, for the most part, be both universal and equally distributed.

Population Stabilization:  This is a U.N. euphemism for ridding the world of six of its seven billion people.  There are just too many of us--so each country has to "stabilize" its population.  Proposed means for doing this include adopting completely voluntary means of populations control based on those used currently in China.  China's population control tactics are completely voluntary, right?   My only question is this:  Since China's population control policies have reduced the Chinese population to 1.3 billion and since that number is approximately the total number of people that the entire world can support, what does this goal mean for the rest of us? 

Alexandra Swann is the author of No Regrets: How Homeschooling Earned me a Master's Degree at Age Sixteen and several other books. Her novel, The Planner, about an out of control, environmentally-driven federal government implementing Agenda 21, is available on Kindle and in paperback. For more information, visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net.

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